Parentline, Hamilton’s leading agency for children, has launched a new project targeting New Zealand’s ‘culture of violence’.

It’s “LOOK UP”, a public information database available on Parentline’s website www.parentline.org.nz.

Chief executive Cathy Holland says Parentline has developed the LOOK UP service for people everywhere to see the “enormous and never-ending efforts over many decades” that have gone into protecting children and supporting families.

‘It also helps us work out what works, and what doesn’t,” she says.

“We know ‘it’s not OK’. Yet violence in the home, in schools, and in our communities continues. And it is getting worse.”

There’s evidence that costly national initiatives, and well-intentioned local efforts have failed to stop the infection at source.

Family Violence on the Increase -

The latest crime statistics confirm new records for violence, family violence and youth violence, with ‘significant’ and ‘dramatic’ increases last year. For Hamilton, overall violence was up by 25percent and family violence up 40percent. The city’s increase was the second worst in New Zealand, and annual increases nationally have become a trend.

In Hamilton and the Waikato, with 1000 more domestic violence cases here than a year ago, around 40per cent of the families already have a history of Police call-outs resulting from domestic violence. Then, there’s the scale of unreported violence, with police estimating 80percent hidden or disguised.

What is also become evident is that violent behaviours are symptomatic of an increasing number of increasingly younger New Zealanders. Ministry of Education studies report increasingly violent behaviours among 5-10year olds and around 20% of children displaying serious behaviour problems

Almost a decade ago, the official 2000 review of SWIS (Social Workers in Schools) noted the success of the school-based programme in assisting families to deal with their children, reducing high risk children by 75% with noticeable improvement in their behaviour and school performance.

Meanwhile, the promotion of vicarious violence is big business. Popular entertainment, sports and recreation carry themes of violence into playtime and leisure activity in both the real and digital worlds. Even the sidelines are not safe.

Some continue to deny this vein of violence, including local and central government officials who’ve been featuring violence reduction among goals in their strategies for at least the past decade. Now Social Development Minister Paula Bennett and Education’s Anne Tolley are taking a fresh look, along with other Ministers concerned to focus on effective front-line services.

Officials year after year spin the line that it’s improved recording rather than a developing culture. They refer to the latest national awareness campaign, better training and awareness education, more ‘faith in the system’, improved public services, etcetera…

The call now is to recognise that past measures have not been effective in stopping the violence. Many children continue to be at risk because of this.

Parentline supports effective front-line early intervention services, integrating health, education, & wellbeing resources, and our ‘Dream Team’ project brings local community agencies together, along with a new school-based initiative.

Today’s target must be safe children. Safe families. Safe communities.

We know it isn’t easy.

Our record

History reminds of the many attempts to bring change to benefit children and families.

The record shows that 160years ago, one of the earliest acts of New Zealand’s colonial government was an attempt to make fathers liable for their children, deserted wives and unmarried mothers (1846 Ordinance for the Support of Destitute Families and Illegitimate Children). Today almost a third of parents who have child support obligations fail to pay. Figures disclosed by Inland Revenue last year reveal that 37,700 out of 127,000 liable parents, mostly fathers, owe $1.5billion.

Some examples from the past 25 years:

• 1987 – Roper Report, a ministerial inquiry concluding that family violence is ‘the cradle for perpetuation of violence in the community’, and the national Family Violence Prevention Coordinating Committee set up with government and community representatives.
• 1991 - Hamilton’s HAIP was set up to create a ‘cultural shift’ to ‘a community confronting violence’ and to monitor official responses to violence and in particular the Police and Courts.
• 1994 - Government’s first national ‘social marketing’ media campaigns ‘Family Violence is a Crime’ and ‘Not Just a Domestic’, included television advertising, documentaries, and special Police training videos, part of a five year plan but terminated in two. Hamilton’s Child Protection Studies (CPS) set up to provide education and training for community awareness. Reported violence rose 20%, male assaults female reports up 44%.
• 1995 - Government’s 2^nd national media campaign ($10million) ‘Breaking the Cycle’ (1995-97), included television advertising, aim ‘to change abusive parenting behaviours’. Tracking surveys (1997) reported ‘exciting’ results with up to 91percent of those surveyed able to recall the TV ads, 44percent contemplating behaviour change, and 16percent self reporting they had changed, and with the highest ratings among Maori and Pacific Islanders. Planning also underway for a five-year $11million mental health awareness media campaign. National Family Violence and Crime Prevention Units set up, along with the Family Violence Advisory Committee.
• 2000 – Hamilton City Council formally adopted ‘Zero Tolerance to Family Violence’ as part of its long-term Plan, with the goal that the city would aim at 10% less domestic abuse than the national average, then five years since the council dropped its child & family policy.

The Future

The mega millions of public dollars spent on television campaigns along with ‘capacity development’ initiatives to enable public servants et al to recognise family violence when faced with it, has kept the issue on the public agenda and media mindset. However, there is ample evidence that this concept of social marketing which has captured health and social service bureaucracies over the past two decades is not effective unless it’s part of a wide-reaching and integrated programme.

What works to prevent family violence?

The considerable research already undertaken on family violence prevention provides valuable insights into the effectiveness of particular prevention/intervention efforts. While there is some agreement on the broader elements of an effective multi-faceted approach, there is less certainty on the precise detail (i.e. which specific services, programmes and other initiatives are most effective in preventing violence in families/whanau and/or which particular elements of these initiatives work well, for whom and in what circumstances). Despite this, there appears to be a high level of consistency, across information sources, on the broad elements of an effective multi-faceted approach to family violence prevention. These include:

• preventing family violence from occurring in the first place by raising public awareness through education;
• strengthening community action and responsiveness;
• adopting an integrated, co-ordinated and collaborative approach;
• preventing family violence from reoccurring by providing appropriate crisis intervention and treatment services;
• placing greater emphasis on early intervention and prevention by identifying violence early and intervening immediately;
• ensuring approaches are culturally relevant;
• recognising and providing for diverse needs and circumstances;
• developing healthy public policy aimed at fostering equality, reducing socio-economic disparities and providing adequate support for families/whanau; and
• maintaining a high level of focus on and commitment to preventing violence in families/whanau.

(an extract from Te Rito: NZ Family Violence Prevention Strategy 2002, when family violence was identified as one of five critical social issues for New Zealand, and a framework with 18 areas of action was to be implemented over the next five years.

There is widespread acknowledgement that most violence remains hidden, with official estimates placing 80% of family violence as unreported to Police.

In spite of numerous interventions, the outcome is increasing person to person violence, in particular within families resulting in lifetime consequences for children. Official information states that at least 45% of reported incidents of family violence are witnessed by children; unofficial data suggests the number is as high as 77%.

At Parentline we work with these children – the silent victims of domestic violence.

Today marks White Ribbon Day to commemorate the brutal assassination in 1960 of the three Mirabel sisters who were political activists in the Dominican Republic. The three were killed on the orders of the Dominican ruler Trujillo.

In 1991, a group of Canadian men began a campaign to urge men to speak out against violence against women. The group adopted the wearing of the white ribbon as a symbol of men’s opposition to violence against women.  The first effort achieved the distribution of 100,000 white ribbons to men across Canada.

White Ribbon Day – International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women – is now part of the United Nations annual calendar and in New Zealand, the Families Commission has taken a leadership role in promoting the message of White Ribbon Day.

Our contribution to White Ribbon Day is to host a Fathers & Sons Breakfast this morning.

In the build up to White Ribbon Day, there have been a number of other events focussing on the impact of violence against women. On 19 November Parentline welcomed officials from the Ministry of Women’s Affairs to meet with community agencies and to present the findings from their report Strong & Safe Communities- Effective Interventions for adult victims and survivors of sexual violence (2009).

On November 20, Hamilton hosted the launch of the book Trust: A True Story of Women & Gangs; the life stories of five women who lived in gangs and who were subjected to sexual abuse, violence and crime.

As a Child Advocate, Parentline has a key role to ensure family violence remains high on the public and political agenda, so that the issue is not hidden.

More information on this topic is available on our new website www.parentline.org.nz. Or you can contact Parentline on 07 839 4536.

Last week was a significant week. We launched our new logo with the motto “safe family safe child – maru i te whānau maru i te tamariki” to better reflect Parentline’s vision of keeping children safe from abuse and domestic violence.

We were also the grateful recipients of the latest Suzuki Swift car donated by Hamilton’s Winger Suzuki to enable our staff to visit families out in the community. The new logo adorns the car and will no doubt become iconic around the streets of Hamilton. 

Safe family safe child. This is what every child needs. Children need a safe and secure home and parents that love and protect them. They need to have a sense of routine and stability so that when things go wrong in the outside world, home is a place of comfort, help and support.

For too many of our children, home is not a safe haven. Every year thousands of New Zealand children are exposed to domestic violence at home, and this has a powerful and profound impact on their lives and hopes for the future.

Violence in the home is a largely hidden problem that few communities and families openly confront. Police statistics reveal that only 20% of all domestic violence incidents are officially reported; which means that up to 80% of domestic violence incidents go undetected. Violence in the home is a global phenomenon, not limited by geography, ethnicity or status.

Whilst the devastating effects of domestic violence on women are well documented, far less is known about the impact on children who witness a parent or caregiver being subjected to violence.

Children who are exposed to violence may suffer a range of severe and lasting effects; such children are more likely to be victims of child abuse; even where children are not the direct victims of violence they often exhibit the same behavioural and psychological problems as children who have been physically abused. Children may have learning difficulties and limited social skills, exhibit violent and delinquent behaviour or suffer from depression and severe anxiety. And some of the biggest victims are the smallest. Younger children are particularly vulnerable compared to their older siblings.

Several studies have shown that children who witness domestic violence are more likely to be affected by violence as adults, either as victims or perpetrators.

Children need to learn that domestic violence is wrong and they need to learn non violent methods of resolving conflict. Children need adults to speak out and break the silence. Children who are exposed to violence in the home need to know that things can change and that violence in the home can end. Children need hope for the future.

We regularly field phone calls from a parent seeking advice on how to deal with the challenging behaviour of their child. When we start to understand the issues that have created the behaviour, we often find that the underlying issue is unacceptable parent or adult behaviour.

I recently took a call from a distraught mother whose daughter had left home after a serious altercation between the two. I could hear in the mother’s voice, a sudden realisation that the most likely cause for her daughter’s departure was the level of domestic abuse between her and her partner, that the children were exposed to every day. The mother appreciated immediately the pointlessness of seeking help for her daughter, when she, as the adult and parent, was not prepared to address the impact of domestic violence within the family home. Whilst her daughter might benefit from counselling, unless the abusive relationship between the mother and her partner was addressed, it was highly unlikely that the daughter would want to stay at home.

Between 2007 and 2009, Parentline conducted a survey R18 Means R18, on the video gaming habits of underage children accessing restricted R18 and R16 videos. Our interest was to understand the impact of extreme violence and sexualised behaviours contained in favourite video games. We were astounded that parents blithely rented and purchased restricted videos for their children and even worse that underage children can walk into a video outlet and rent a restricted video from adult retailers.

I recall a telephone conversation with a grandmother whose grandson was scheduled to attend a sleep-over at his friend’s place. She had been told the boys were going to watch a restricted video game. The grandmother guessed it was illegal to supply restricted games to underage children but was surprised to learn that adults who allow children to watch restricted videos, even within the privacy of their home, can be fined up to $10,000 or imprisoned for 3 months. I suggested that the host parents of the party should be informed that they are committing an offence that carries a substantial penalty.

This is not to say that some parents and adults do not acknowledge the part (sometimes significant) that their behaviour contributes to behaviours seen in their children.

For us, it is always heartening to work with adults who willingly step up to the plate and accept full responsibility for their actions, especially in situations that can potentially leave children as innocent victims.

For parents who are separating, Parentline offers a programme called Parents Building Bridges. Parents attending this programme learn how separation affects their children, what children need during a separation, keeping children away from the arguments and talking with ex partners about arrangements for children. We applaud these parents for their commitment and genuine desire to work in the best interests of their children.

For further information on the services offered by Parentline, please contact our Intake Coordinator, Lisa Herewini on 07 839 4536.

It was great to watch Nigel Latta’s Politically Incorrect Parenting show last week. For some years now, we have been persuaded to raise our children by the book, to the point where we have become ridiculously super sensitive (paranoid) and concerned about doing the right things as parents. Putting commonsense back into parenting and drawing on the wisdom and knowledge of our mothers and grandmothers, for example, makes perfect sense.

To recap, here are some simple Latta rules. Kids need fences – setting limits and boundaries for your children so they know what is expected of them. Don’t take any crap – be firm and be consistent. Let your kids be kids, let kids (together with their parents) have fun and be silly. Perhaps his best advice is feed the good and starve the bad. How often do we give praise to our children for a task done well?  Mostly, we focus too quickly on the negative.

As well as the handy hints, Latta gave recognition to the influence of parenting practices handed down to us by our mothers, grandmothers and their mothers.

My own parenting was heavily influenced by my mother and grandmother. In the early days, I was loathe to accept advice from my mother; dismissing anything she said as old wives’ tales. When I decided to sleep my babies on their tummies, her response (and my grandmother’s response) was that babies were to be swaddled (to feel safe and secure) and slept on their sides (for ease of breathing).

When I was veering towards bottle feeding compared to breastfeeding, my grandmother was quick to remind me of the benefits of breast feeding; an intimate closeness and bonding between mother and child, the comforting physical touch of skin on skin, a quiet and relaxing time out for the mother, let alone the convenience of food on tap at no extra cost.

By the time we had our last child, after a break of twelve years, I noticed a distinct change in my child rearing and parenting style. I didn’t look at a single parenting book. I was much more relaxed. I did however remember my mother’s most important advice – routines are crucial – and was genuinely pleased and forever grateful that she was involved in the upbringing of our child.

The litmus test of how good our parenting skills were is a 19 year old vibrant, energetic and thoroughly independent young woman.

A o tūpuna i whakamārama te huarahi mō tātou.

The experience and guidance of our elders will give us a brightness of hope and direction for future developments.

There’s the delightful advertisement of a first time mother being handed her new born baby and then reaching out for the accompanying Parenting Manual. For most of us, parenting is probably the hardest job we ever take on. The expectation is that we all are inherently good parents, when clearly that is not always true. With the pressures of modern living, there are few opportunities to learn exactly what parenting involves.
The government has announced a cash injection for positive parenting programmes, for community initiatives working with parents.
Parentline facilitates three programmes:
• Parents Building Bridges, a group programme, explores the impact of separation on children. The programme offers practical tips and raises pertinent questions that are openly discussed by parents. It also covers the Family Court system and applications for Parenting Orders.
• The Parenting Programme is designed to meet specific needs. Parent’s learn to understand children’s behaviours, the art of discipline, parenting styles, having fun with children and how children tell us what they want. It is an opportunity for parents to ask the questions we have never dared to ask. Recent participants were comforted to learn their anxieties and perceived shortcomings were experienced by others. Participants gain new skills to deal with issues that confront parents daily.
• Te Hiringa Tipu is a whanau-based programme for Maori families offering opportunities for parents and children to work together to strengthen the family unit. The values support safety, protection and nurturing, on the basis all tamariki have the right to live free of violence, fear, abuse and neglect.
Direct programme inquiries to intake co-ordinator Lisa Herewini, 07 839 4536.

PARENTLINE SPONSORED BY LOCAL BUSINESS

Today marks the beginning of a partnership between Winger Suzuki and Parentline Charitable Trust whereby the Hamilton car dealership has sponsored Parentline with a brand new 2009 Suzuki Swift This vehicle will enable Parentline staff to work out in the community, visiting families, schools and other agencies supporting children, parents and families.

The relationship between Winger Suzuki and Parentline is a good fit. Both organisations have similar values in our desire to contribute to the wellbeing of the community and both offer benefits to families, albeit in different ways. We both strive for quality and excellence in service delivery, with Winger Suzuki receiving Suzuki’s Provincial and Dealer of the Year award in 2008 and Parentline offering services by qualified, experienced and passionate practitioners.

The partnership also heralds the launch of Parentline’s new logo safe family safe child – maru i te whānau maru it te tamariki. At the heart of our work, is the notion that by giving parents the necessary skills and knowledge, the whānau will be strengthened and therefore better able to protect and shelter children from harm. The new logo sits on the side of the car alongside the Winger Suzuki logo.

Business support is crucial for Parentline and other community and charitable organisations to continue providing quality social services to the community. We, at Parentline look forward to a positive and enduring business relationship with Winger Suzuki.